Discovery!!!

I knew that I was depressed. Suicidal thoughts aren't normal?.....right?. Whenever I would have these thoughts it scared me. I'm to big of a chicken to do anything. I also knew in my heart how selfish suicide is. Since I was old enough to understand what suicide was I knew that there would be consequences when I died. Now that I am married and have a beautiful child, I could never leave them with such a horrible memory of me. Suicidal thoughts is only one of the symptoms that I was acutely aware of. There are many symptoms; loss of appetite, insomnia, lack of interest, over reaction to emotional situations, and many others. These are just a few that are apparent to me and my situation.

Depression is not a recognized medical condition in my family. Depression is looked at as a condition that can be fasted and prayed away. I do believe that my Heavenly Father is able to cure this disease and any other disease he sees fit to cure. But I also believe that we are given trials in this life to test us. This is my trial. Depression is a real medical condition and can be managed with the right treatment.

After the birth of my beautiful child I started taking medications. My Dr. said it was the "Baby Blues". I understood this condition as a hormonal imbalance and should cure itself within 6 months tops. When the 6 months was up I was not cured. Since this time I have tried many medications at different doses paired with different medications. Right now I am on one medication and it seems to take the edge off. Currently I am sick of changing my medications. It is hard to go to bed at night not knowing what I will feel like in the morning. With the meds I am on now it keeps the edge off and I know what to expect. The meds do not help me feel like myself though. I have a hard time feeling anything, except sadness. Otherwise it is a blank feeling.